"Though You Slay Me"

This song came on my shuffle as I was running today.  A few years ago, my dear friend Laci sent me this song along with the full sermon by John Piper.  When she sent it, she simply wrote "love you".  I am so blessed to have dear friends like her in my life.

On the Wednesday night before Daniel died some dear friends came to the hospital to be with Brent and I.  Nekiah and Shawn Torres and their daughter and our friend Brian Bain prayed with us around Daniel's hospital bed. As Shawn was finishing praying a beautiful, bold prayer to our King, I quoted Job 13:15 "Though He slay me, yet will I trust (hope) in Him."  And then I went on to pray about God's faithfulness and character.  And we altogether said "Amen."  Again we are so blessed to have friends like this in our life.

Earlier that day when Daniel had flatlined several times, I had put my hand and spoke/prayed over him (as the doctors were working on him) in a way that I know the Spirit of God was leading.  I told him, "If Jesus is saying to go home you go, but if He is saying stay, you fight!!  No matter what though Daniel, I am so proud of you.  You have fought so hard for so long and I could not be more proud.  You have made me better.  You have made everyone who knew you better.  I am so proud to be your mommy and so thankful for your life..."  And I continued, naming things I loved and things he loved and things he had to look forward to when he woke up.  I remember the room of nurses and doctors crying and laughing with me...laughing when I mentioned his love for bananas and ketchup!  :)  Even when you were flatlining, you made people smile Daniel!

Bananas and ketchup IS silly!

 John Piper's words in this song are based on these verses:
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.  For momentary, light affliction is producing for us and eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not are eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18

Momentary, light affliction.  There is nothing about Daniel's loss that feels momentary or light.  It feels heavy and long lasting...and these verses are not minimizing that.  The reason it can be called momentary and light is only in comparison to eternity.  This separation, this very real pain, this huge, heavy loss is but a moment in comparison to eternity.  I am thankful for that truth.  I am thankful for that hope.  It is because of this that I will not lose heart.

Piper says "Not only is all of your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there.  But all of it is totally meaningful...Every millisecond of your misery in the pathway of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that...it wasn't meaningless, it's doing something.  Of course you can't see what it is doing. Don't look to what is seen...but to what is unseen...it is working for you an eternal weight of glory.  Therefore do not lose heart.  But take these truths and day by day focus on them.  Preach them to yourself...until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for."  

I hope that you listened to this song, with his words integrated in.  It is powerful truth.

My heart does sing with this confidence.  And I pray that as I continue to place my trust in the Lord, he will show me day by day how to do this life without my beloved Daniel.  For the pain is real, the missing is heavy and the sadness comes in title waves that knock me off my feet.  But the hope is equally as real too.  And it makes me want to sing.

"Though He slay me, I will put my hope in Him."