All of ME

I shared this video the day before Daniel's 2nd birthday.  In leading up to the days before his birthday that year, I had been overwhelmed by God's grace in our lives.  And when I first heard this song, I thought it must have been written for me! As when Daniel was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension in April of 2010, the first days in the hospital I could not look at him without crying.  I remember one night sitting next to Daniel's hospital bed and asking God to somehow help me "do this".  To help me love Daniel without holding back despite a terrible prognosis.  I remember telling the Lord something like this, "Daniel deserves to know ME.  Not me like this.  Not me defined by a disease.  Not me who cannot look at him without crying.  Daniel deserves to hear me laugh.  My other kids still need me.  This me that cannot stop crying just won't work.  Please help me Lord!"  And although there were many tears throughout the years, there was MORE laughter.  God was faithful to answer my prayer that day.  God was faithful to help us live, even with a terrible disease that threatened the life of my baby boy every. single. day.  God was faithful to help me give all of myself to all of my children.  To my sweet Daniel.



So I made this video and shared it the night before he turned two. The past few days it has come on while I have been running...



Now my prayer is similar...that in his loss, that in my missing, that in the giant hole left in my heart, that I would still somehow give all of myself to my children that are living.  Jesus, I need your help. You have proven yourself faithful over and over.  And I am trusting you with our tomorrows, until one day we will all be together again.



Thank you Lord, for answering the cry of a mommy.  Thank you Lord that Daniel got to know me.  Thank you for the gift of loving him...of loving him without holding back.  Help me to continue to love like this.