Written by Lizzy💙

Daniel was Lizzy's brother and she loved playing with him. They would give tons of hugs and kisses to each other. Lizzy loved him and he loved her. 

Lizzy loved playing all these things with him:
Baseball, count your chickens, hoot owl hoot, volleyball, blocks, trains, memory, and so many more things.

So Lizzy and Daniel were a very close brother and sister. 💙

Of course Daniel was naughty sometimes,doing all these things:
Pulling hair, pinching, punching, hitting, slapping, and so many more things.  Daniel would give me this very naughty look when I would tell him he had to go in a time out and I thought that it was cute.😊

I will tell you about Daniel's favorite foods:
He liked pesto, bananas, ketchup, pasta, and so many more.

Daniel had a best friend named Taylor and they loved each other so much. Daniel said this so many times a day he said, "Taylor likes blue, ( like him ) she's pretty and beautiful!"
Of course he had his own unique way of saying it.

Daniel loved saying potty talk.😝he would say it all day and he wouldn't be scared of time out! 

When Daniel was near anyone he made them full of joy.  Daniel really was a joyful little boy.  He filled me with joy! I love love love this sweet little boy.  I love you forever little buddy!!😢

"Mama!!"

Today I sat in Daniel's room and sorted and looked through all of our photos from his Make-A-Wish trip.  Tears silently wet my face as I looked at 100's of sweet photos. I think we have about 700 to be exact.  And I am thankful for every.single.one.

As I was looking through them, this photo caught my eye:

 It caught my eye because of how Daniel was looking at me.  Whenever I would watch Daniel's "Lava" video or "Make-A-Wish" video with him, he would exclaim "MAMA!"  every time it got to this photo:

He would literally yell "MAMA!!" and point at the screen with his awesome, huge grin.  And I would say, "Yes!  Mama was there with you."

Here is the photo again that I saw today:

And then the next one:

Now I know Daniel was trying to tell me something exciting or some memory he had from meeting these characters, as there was not one time I watched those picture videos that he did not yell out "Mama!!" when it came to that photo.   And after seeing the other photo today, I sure wish I knew what he wanted to tell me.  Before going on his Make-A-Wish trip he had asked Brent and I to take him back to kiss Minnie Mouse.  Maybe he was just trying to tell me he was so excited she was holding him!!  And he might have been saying something like "Mama!!  Do you see?  Minnie is holding me!! I haven't just kissed her once, but like 10 times!  This is so cool."  Maybe one day he will tell me.

You see the photo at 4:17 in this video, and I can hear him saying "mama!!" very emphatic and excited each time.



Although this is from an older video (February 2015)...this is the "mama" I miss hearing so much.

I realize this memory might not mean as much to the outsider looking in.  But I just do not want to forget.  I feel like seeing his face today in that other photo made some dots connect for me.  I always wondered why he would say my name.  Now I know there was a reason to wonder.  I miss you buddy.

BIG

This photo is on our fridge.  It was taken in March of 2015 when Daniel came along with me to pick up my race packet for the Dallas Rock N' Roll 1/2 marathon.

Brent and I tried and tried to get Daniel to raise his hands by saying things like "Daniel how big are you?!?" and "How big is Daniel?".  It wasn't until I said "Daniel praise Jesus!" that I got his hands to go up in the air.

He loved Jesus BIG.

I miss Daniel BIG.

Ugh.

Oh the missing.  Sweet, sweet boy.

Thank God for the BIG memories we have.

I love you dear Daniel.  So Big.  The other thing that could make Daniel raise his arms like that was if I asked him, "Daniel, how much do I love you?".  Yes buddy, my love for you is "so BIG"!

"Ball"

This was our first baseball weekend without Daniel.  Sammy rejoined his team 2 weeks ago for practices, but this weekend was his first official tournament back playing with his team.

Oh my word did I miss Daniel's presence.  The packing, entertaining, extra cheering, countless hours of playing Stack the States or President vs. Aliens on his iPad, dozens of cups of ice, french fries, more ice, water, lollipops...lots of lollipops...I missed it all, BIG.

It was so easy today.

Daniel always made buddies with the umpires, because he liked to call strikes and the way he said it was loud and emphatic.  Well, his brother pitches so of course he liked to call strikes!  I missed the conversations through the fence with the umpires.

I missed hearing him say "Ba" (Sam) followed by "homerun" as he would come up to bat.

I missed chasing him around the ballfields and sidewalks and grass between games.

I missed everything about him being there.

Oh that smile.  That precious, precious smile.

Today we went to the ballfields early and stayed late. We were there for about 10.5 hours to be exact. Sammy's team made it all the way to the championship and we got to watch Sam pitch for the win.  They did win 11-1.  Last year, when Sammy's team would win one of these tourneys they always took the team photo behind home plate.  Once they had just the team, sometimes the boys would say "Daniel, Daniel" and he would run in and join them.  He loved being a part of the championship photos.

He just loved baseball.

Tonight I missed him being a part of that too.  But I am so thankful for baseball teams and boys who embraced our little buddy and loved on him in this special way.  It touched my heart then.  And it especially touches it now.

We miss you Daniel.  But I am thankful for the hundreds of games you went to and cheered your brothers on.  These are good memories.  Good, good memories.

Love You More

This song came on shuffle while I was out running the other day. I had not heard it since Daniel was a baby. It is from the same CD that "All of Me" was from by Matt Hammit. When I came home, I had to sit down and put a few photos to a clip of this song as it captures how I feel about my beloved Daniel. I could not love him more, but I do know someone who does. Jesus. My broken heart is comforted knowing that Daniel is more alive today than ever before in the presence of the One who loves him most.

I love you sweet boy and cannot wait for the day I will see you again.  What a glorious reunion it will be!

Ranger's

Yesterday our family went to our first Ranger's game without Daniel.

Last summer was the first time we had taken Daniel to a Ranger's game where he was able to just sit in the regular seats.

The first few years of Daniel's life it was too hot for him to be out there.   Even if the seats were in the shade, the humidity combined with the temperature was too much for his little body for such a long outing.  His little heart had to work too hard to keep his body cool.  As he got older and fell in love with ice, it became easier to keep him cool and hydrated.   So last spring, Sam's team was playing in a tournament just 5 minutes from Ranger's ballpark.  It was a Friday night and their game ended around 8:30.  So I said to the kids (Brent was working...so it was just me +5) "Let's go to the Ranger's game!  It's Friday fireworks, our seats will be nosebleed, but let's go!"

I think my oldest was not overly excited, but everyone else was on board so we headed over to the ballpark.

It was a loooooooong walk from the parking lot to the ticket office, the ticket area to the 300 level and then maneuvering our way through the crowd to our seats with 40lb. Daniel on my hip the whole time!  I was sweating by the time we sat down.  Oh my goodness though, he was so excited!  Baseball was the only thing Daniel would watch on TV.  He didn't even watch an entire movie, cartoon or anything in his 6 years, but he would sit on the couch and watch an entire baseball game.  He would also watch "Quick Pitch" every morning with the baseball highlights from the day before.  When it would get close to the end of baseball season we would record episodes of Quick Pitch to replay for him in the offseason.  :)  So he was VERY excited to be at the real game.

Not more than 2 minutes after sitting down, the Ranger's batting exploded...homeruns, hits, music, and a come from behind win.  So now Daniel was hooked.  We went 5 more times last summer with him...

And thanks to tickets we were given through Hope Kids we were able to watch the Texas Ranger's win the western division!  And on that Sunday Daniel ran the bases.

The very first time Daniel attended a Ranger's game was in the summer of 2011.  Because of Daniel's physical limitations that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I had written to the Texas Ranger's and asked if we could purchase 7 seats within a suite (we could not afford a suite itself...and even the 7 seats would have been a stretch at the time).  They did not let us, instead they gave our family a suite for a Friday night fireworks game so that Daniel could attend a baseball game.  I made a video from that awesome night.

Ranger's Game 2011

I am so thankful Daniel had the opportunity to go last summer.   As a fan of the game and the Ranger's he watched from good seats to cheap seats and everything in between.  And I have those memories stored up in my heart and mind.  Good, good memories.  Some of the best.

Yesterday was hard for Brent and I. Many tears from us both and wishes that he had been there with us.

Because of his love for baseball we had a bat and ball put on his shiny blue coffin.  I know he would have loved it.

Volleyball

Today was Lizzy's first day back on the court with her volleyball team since Daniel died.  She loves her friends.  She loves playing.  And she loves her coach.   I always love to watch her play.

The last activity I took Daniel to was Lizzy's volleyball game.  The Saturday evening that he spiked a fever again followed an afternoon spent watching Lizzy play volleyball.

One of the sweet mom's on Lizzy's team took these wonderful photos.  The last ones taken outside of the hospital...

And I took these with my phone...

Daniel loved one of Lizzy's best friends, Sofie.  She played on her volleyball team too  He called her "To-to".  So funny because he called Taylor "Shleschler".  He could say the "T" and he could say the "S", but he mixed them all around and came up with his own names!  :)

Daniel loved to watch you play Lizzy.  And I love that "volleyball" was one of the words he said clearly.

We miss you buddy.  Always.

"Nan-Na's"

Today I went grocery shopping at our local store for the first time since Daniel died.   The emotions were so strong.  I could here him saying "Nan-na's" as getting bananas was always first on his mind.  And then ketchup.  And he would always giggle when I put the "3 pounds of ketchup" in the cart.  The bigger the container, the funnier it was.  He loved ketchup.  He dipped everything in it...even his bananas.  

I miss my grocery helper.  When he was younger he used to laugh when we knocked on watermelon's to find one.  Belly laugh.  That video is on my other computer.  I will share it soon. I miss needing to buy bananas.  And ketchup.  Nobody else loves those two things like you did buddy.

Holding Hands

Dearest Daniel,

I was only able to hold your hands here on this earth for what seems just a moment, but oh am I thankful I got to!  Your memory will live in my heart and mind forever.  I look forward to the day when I will hold your hands again.  I love you sweet boy.  And I miss you so much.  I am so thankful the Lord made me your mommy.  Until we meet again.  All my love,

Mommy

Everywhere

Coming home again, I see him everywhere.

At night, sleep does not want to come.

My heart is heavy with missing, the hope of heaven keeps me from despair.

Tears silently wet my face.

Jesus, I need you.

I miss your voice, your face, everything.

Daniel.  Sweet Daniel.  I just cannot believe you didn't wake up.

And I wonder what you are seeing now in heaven looks like.  It must be so glorious.

I miss you.  I look forward with great anticipation to the day I will see you again.

In our home, I see you everywhere.

I miss taking these selfies with you.  You loved to push the button.

Missing One

We have had some time away as a family. Just hit the "pause" button momentarily on life as we try to figure out how to "do" this new life.  This photo was taken while we were away.  

I'm certain I will always see the one missing.  Even in years to come as more are added to our family, even as more memories are made...even the most joyful...I will always feel his absence.  

I am thankful for every day we had with Daniel.  I am thankful that I have so many memories left to share, to talk about, to record.  And I am thankful for the four children I still have here.  But being thankful for those things will never change the fact that our family photos will now always be incomplete.  Always missing one.