A Poem

October 7th, 2010

The sun is streaming in

Cars surround me

I cannot breathe

The news playing through my mind,     

My baby is dying

My baby is dying

I am not there.

The cars are not moving.

I cry out to my God

To the One who created all things

I scream, "What am I supposed to do?!?!"

Sing

Sing?!?!

Sing

Sing is the answer to my soul

David Crowder is playing, O Praise Him the song

I begin to sing

From way down deep, I sing

From a place I didn't know existed, I sing

With all my heart, I sing

Hope fills my soul

I imagine the angels welcoming him home

I can see the prison walls falling down

Which will it be?

Jesus Knows.

Mommy singing

Daddy Holding

People praying

Daniel Lives.

To fill in some of the details of this poem that I wrote, this is the original caringbridge I wrote on October 7th, 2010...

By Jaclyn Jackson — Oct 7, 2010 1:27pm

Daniel has made a turn around.  This morning I got the call to come in quickly and was told that our choices were to take him off the ventilator and see how he does (one of the doctors thought this might be a part of Daniel's problem) or put him on ECMO (full life support) because he was in right heart failure, he was unable to keep his oxygen saturations up and he was not responding to the "eppi", dopamine and other drugs that were being given to him.  His saturations with the ventilator, nitric oxide and slew of medicines to stimulate the heart were in the 60's-70's most of the night.  I told DR. W that given those 2 choices I would prefer to take him off the ventilator and see what he does.  After all Daniel had already been through, I just could not put him on ECMO.  When they pulled the tube Daniel's saturations were in the 30's. Brent was with him.  And I was stuck in traffic.  Dr. W was calling me with updates and I was crying saying that I just wanted to GET there!!  I didn't even know what to pray, but when I cried out to God I felt He said, "sing".  So I turned on David Crowder and started to sing.  Loudly. And I imagined Paul and Silas singing in prison and the walls of that prison coming down.  I also imagined the angels welcoming Daniel home.  And I sang even louder.  Our family song, "O Praise Him".  And Daniel began improving. His saturations are now in the high 90's.  He is breathing on his own and holding his own.  He seems to be in pain and is still in a critical situation, but doing SO much better.  

Thank you for praying.  The Lord has decided that today Daniel stays here with us.  And we couldn't be more pleased.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for praying. 

Oh how well I remember being stuck in traffic on the Dallas North Tollway, right at the George Bush.  The cars at a standstill.  Daniel struggling to live.   Blue in color, his daddy beside him stroking his hair, whispering words of encouragement.  That day I wondered if I was joining the angels welcoming Daniel home as I sang loudly, alone in my quiet, not moving van.   But instead I was singing to help the prison walls fall and Daniel survive.  April 1, 2016 would be the morning I joined the angels welcoming Daniel home.  Singing a different David Crowder song while standing on my front step. Once again that stretch of freeway keeping me from my boy.  I think of this day and the latter nearly every time I drive on the tollway, under the bridge at the George Bush.

Today Lord, October 7th, 2016, I thank You for the 5 years and 6 months that followed this dark morning.  I thank you that we got to know the little boy that Daniel was.  I thank you that we got to hear his voice say "Mama" and "Da-da" and "Ball" and "Ba" and "Uke" and "La-La" and "Ab-eeeee".  I thank you that we got to watch him walk.  And swim.  And feel the ocean water.  And hit a baseball.  And cheer for the Ranger's.  I thank you that he knew what a time-out was and that he pulled the hair of his sisters to sit there.  I thank you that he lived for 6 years and almost 3 months.   I thank you for his smile that I see every time I close my eyes.  And for that sweet finger that persistently pointed. And that laugh that no one can forget.  I thank you for his love of jeans...Disney World...Crowder...bananas with ketchup...the way he loved his family...the way he loved me...the way he loved YOU!  Thank you.  Thank you.  The list could go on and on and on and on...thank you that you gave us 5 years 5 months and 26 days past the date of his original central line placement.  I cherish each of them, as I recognize without You not one of them would have been.