Love You More

This song came on shuffle while I was out running the other day. I had not heard it since Daniel was a baby. It is from the same CD that "All of Me" was from by Matt Hammit. When I came home, I had to sit down and put a few photos to a clip of this song as it captures how I feel about my beloved Daniel. I could not love him more, but I do know someone who does. Jesus. My broken heart is comforted knowing that Daniel is more alive today than ever before in the presence of the One who loves him most.

I love you sweet boy and cannot wait for the day I will see you again.  What a glorious reunion it will be!

Ranger's

Yesterday our family went to our first Ranger's game without Daniel.

Last summer was the first time we had taken Daniel to a Ranger's game where he was able to just sit in the regular seats.

The first few years of Daniel's life it was too hot for him to be out there.   Even if the seats were in the shade, the humidity combined with the temperature was too much for his little body for such a long outing.  His little heart had to work too hard to keep his body cool.  As he got older and fell in love with ice, it became easier to keep him cool and hydrated.   So last spring, Sam's team was playing in a tournament just 5 minutes from Ranger's ballpark.  It was a Friday night and their game ended around 8:30.  So I said to the kids (Brent was working...so it was just me +5) "Let's go to the Ranger's game!  It's Friday fireworks, our seats will be nosebleed, but let's go!"

I think my oldest was not overly excited, but everyone else was on board so we headed over to the ballpark.

It was a loooooooong walk from the parking lot to the ticket office, the ticket area to the 300 level and then maneuvering our way through the crowd to our seats with 40lb. Daniel on my hip the whole time!  I was sweating by the time we sat down.  Oh my goodness though, he was so excited!  Baseball was the only thing Daniel would watch on TV.  He didn't even watch an entire movie, cartoon or anything in his 6 years, but he would sit on the couch and watch an entire baseball game.  He would also watch "Quick Pitch" every morning with the baseball highlights from the day before.  When it would get close to the end of baseball season we would record episodes of Quick Pitch to replay for him in the offseason.  :)  So he was VERY excited to be at the real game.

Not more than 2 minutes after sitting down, the Ranger's batting exploded...homeruns, hits, music, and a come from behind win.  So now Daniel was hooked.  We went 5 more times last summer with him...

And thanks to tickets we were given through Hope Kids we were able to watch the Texas Ranger's win the western division!  And on that Sunday Daniel ran the bases.

The very first time Daniel attended a Ranger's game was in the summer of 2011.  Because of Daniel's physical limitations that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I had written to the Texas Ranger's and asked if we could purchase 7 seats within a suite (we could not afford a suite itself...and even the 7 seats would have been a stretch at the time).  They did not let us, instead they gave our family a suite for a Friday night fireworks game so that Daniel could attend a baseball game.  I made a video from that awesome night.

Ranger's Game 2011

I am so thankful Daniel had the opportunity to go last summer.   As a fan of the game and the Ranger's he watched from good seats to cheap seats and everything in between.  And I have those memories stored up in my heart and mind.  Good, good memories.  Some of the best.

Yesterday was hard for Brent and I. Many tears from us both and wishes that he had been there with us.

Because of his love for baseball we had a bat and ball put on his shiny blue coffin.  I know he would have loved it.

Volleyball

Today was Lizzy's first day back on the court with her volleyball team since Daniel died.  She loves her friends.  She loves playing.  And she loves her coach.   I always love to watch her play.

The last activity I took Daniel to was Lizzy's volleyball game.  The Saturday evening that he spiked a fever again followed an afternoon spent watching Lizzy play volleyball.

One of the sweet mom's on Lizzy's team took these wonderful photos.  The last ones taken outside of the hospital...

And I took these with my phone...

Daniel loved one of Lizzy's best friends, Sofie.  She played on her volleyball team too  He called her "To-to".  So funny because he called Taylor "Shleschler".  He could say the "T" and he could say the "S", but he mixed them all around and came up with his own names!  :)

Daniel loved to watch you play Lizzy.  And I love that "volleyball" was one of the words he said clearly.

We miss you buddy.  Always.

"Nan-Na's"

Today I went grocery shopping at our local store for the first time since Daniel died.   The emotions were so strong.  I could here him saying "Nan-na's" as getting bananas was always first on his mind.  And then ketchup.  And he would always giggle when I put the "3 pounds of ketchup" in the cart.  The bigger the container, the funnier it was.  He loved ketchup.  He dipped everything in it...even his bananas.  

I miss my grocery helper.  When he was younger he used to laugh when we knocked on watermelon's to find one.  Belly laugh.  That video is on my other computer.  I will share it soon. I miss needing to buy bananas.  And ketchup.  Nobody else loves those two things like you did buddy.

Holding Hands

Dearest Daniel,

I was only able to hold your hands here on this earth for what seems just a moment, but oh am I thankful I got to!  Your memory will live in my heart and mind forever.  I look forward to the day when I will hold your hands again.  I love you sweet boy.  And I miss you so much.  I am so thankful the Lord made me your mommy.  Until we meet again.  All my love,

Mommy

Everywhere

Coming home again, I see him everywhere.

At night, sleep does not want to come.

My heart is heavy with missing, the hope of heaven keeps me from despair.

Tears silently wet my face.

Jesus, I need you.

I miss your voice, your face, everything.

Daniel.  Sweet Daniel.  I just cannot believe you didn't wake up.

And I wonder what you are seeing now in heaven looks like.  It must be so glorious.

I miss you.  I look forward with great anticipation to the day I will see you again.

In our home, I see you everywhere.

I miss taking these selfies with you.  You loved to push the button.

Missing One

We have had some time away as a family. Just hit the "pause" button momentarily on life as we try to figure out how to "do" this new life.  This photo was taken while we were away.  

I'm certain I will always see the one missing.  Even in years to come as more are added to our family, even as more memories are made...even the most joyful...I will always feel his absence.  

I am thankful for every day we had with Daniel.  I am thankful that I have so many memories left to share, to talk about, to record.  And I am thankful for the four children I still have here.  But being thankful for those things will never change the fact that our family photos will now always be incomplete.  Always missing one.