A Final Video

On the morning of March 29, we had a painfully long wait for his surgery.

Daniel was thirsty, hungry and so very tired.  We snuggled, played his favorite I-Pad games (like Stack the States and Presidents v. Aliens), we talked and we took some videos.

This was one of the final videos of the morning...

Home.  His new word.  I had desperately hoped the home he would go to was ours, but instead he went to the permanent address for all who believe in Jesus.  Our heavenly Home.

I am so thankful Brent captured a photo of our final snuggles.  As after I walked out of Daniel's room, down the halls of the ICU, I would never again snuggle my precious boy.   I remember as I was walking down the hall having this overwhelming urge to run back and hug him again.  I did not, as in the past days when I was in the room for any procedures he would become much more upset and agitated wanting me to rescue him.  A few times he was so mad he turned blue and passed out.  This did not happen with Brent.  So I left wanting to give him the best chance for a successful surgery.

This has haunted me some.  That I did not go back for one more hug.

But what I have come to realize is that I would always want one more.  Even if I had gone back for that hug, I would still want one more.  And one more.  And one more.  And my reason for not going back was for Daniel.

For the 3 days that followed Daniel's surgery we had a front row seat to the horror of watching him struggle.  Of watching him on the edge of life and death.  These past days I have been reliving the valley of the shadow of death.  The tears have flowed freely.  My heart has been heavy.  And the Lord has reminded me He is near.

Psalm 23
"The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake,

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

Home.  Forever Home.  Daniel is no longer thirsty and begging for ice.  He is no longer dependent on medicines or machines for life.  He is home.  And one day I will live there with him.  One day.