Home Coming on Fridays

Today was our first day back to co-op.  I had not been there since the week before Daniel died.  Last night I was overwhelmed and slightly anxious about seeing everyone again.  Our life has so dramatically and tragically changed and all of these "re-entry" situations are hard.

But the people at our co-op made this re-entry very loving.  Many big bear hugs and some tears shared with fellow home school moms.  One of the first people to hug and greet me this morning was the sweet woman who is the mastermind behind our yearbook.  She delivered one to my classroom shortly after I arrived telling me someone had purchased one for our family last spring. She added that the last page was in Daniel's honor...

Also early this morning, one of the sweet ladies I have co-taught classes with the past three years brought me sunflowers...

Tears.

Many tears.

Today they were not lonely tears.  They were tears hugged with love.  I felt very loved by this community of people.  I did not feel lonely in my sorrow at all.  Thank you Lord for the dear people who let me know they cared about our missing.

But coming home today was hard.  I cried several times throughout the day thinking about how much I was going to miss seeing Daniel waiting to greet us.  Brent spent the mornings and early afternoon home with Daniel every Friday so that I could teach and the big kids could attend classes at our co-op. Daniel was not quite old enough to benefit from going.

The way Brent has described Friday afternoons to me is that after lunch Daniel would start pacing and checking out the window to see if we were coming.  We usually got home a little after two.  When he would hear our gate open, he would look out his favorite window spot (I know this is from the night, but I do not have a day time photo of his special waiting place)...

and then when he spotted the van he would run to the door that leads to the garage.  Every week when that garage door went up, Daniel would open the door with Brent right behind him.  I can still see him standing in the door frame on his tippy toes trying to see me as I parked the van.  As soon as I would stop, Brent would let him come out.  He always came running over to my door saying "Mama! Mama!" and I would pick him up to hug and kiss and let him sit on my lap still in the drivers seat.

This was our "home coming on Fridays".

It was a wonderful greeting.  One that I never tired of.  One that I now long to have happen again. And to hear Brent talk of his anticipation of seeing us is such a wonderful, heart warming memory.

Since Daniel died, I feel a lot like he did on Fridays.  Waiting, anticipating, so excited for that hug at our sweet reunion.  Maybe when I enter heaven, Daniel will be on his tippy toes trying to see, anticipating,  waiting for our Heavenly Father to say..."Now Daniel!  Go hug your mommy".  And maybe  I will once again hear "Mama! Mama!" as he runs towards me wrapping those sweet arms around my neck.

My final home coming.