Some make me laugh, some make me cry, some make me smile, some make me go looking for photos that go along with the memory, some make me retreat to my bedroom closet to fall in a heap...
He is never far from my mind.
When I run, he is constantly on my mind. When I run I have a steady playlist of God honoring music. Most of it worshipful...and when I am singing along or running along...I try to imagine what it is like for my boy. My boy who now sees the God I worship. The Savior I trust.
Some days this makes me miss him terribly. Mostly though it brings my heart such comfort. And even in the missing great peace. I often lament and pour out my heart to my Father on my runs. As my feet hit the pavement, I talk, I pray. Today I was feeling especially heavy as I went out. Some days are just like that. At one point I walked and prayed out loud for the heaviness of my soul. I asked God to take my heart of stone and give me a heart like His. I asked Him to help me make sense all of the "muck", the fogginess, the noise in my mind...to just know and focus on what is true. As I was praying, the Crowder song "Here's My Heart" came to mind and I put it on repeat for the next few miles I ran.
The first words of the song are, "Here's my heart Lord, speak what is true." God is faithful to answer. Just like that.
The first words of the song are, "Here's my heart Lord, speak what is true." God is faithful to answer. Just like that.
As I ran and sang the words in my heart the sky looked like this...
I kept stopping to take photos, because it was like a favorite line from the song, "You are good, always true, You are light breaking through."
A song from Daniel's favorite album.
Light breaking through the darkness. The Lord has been the light in the darkness since Daniel's death and in Daniel's life spent fighting a horrific disease his six short years.
Then "All This Glory" played as I was reaching our home. The song I sang with my hands outstretched to heaven the morning Daniel died. I sang knowing I was joining the angels welcoming him home. A verse from this song plays
"In the middle of the night,
You are Majesty,
To the middle of our plight
Came the King of Kings
While we were waiting on,
Your love to come along,
light broke in
coming like a Son."
Light broke in, coming like a Son (sun).
The song that is a bridge between these two songs is the "Steeple Outro". Which as I have shared before are the words the Lord played in my mind and heart in my bathroom the morning Daniel died. Today I listened and cried as my feet continued to run one in front of the other...
"And then He took my hand
and led me the river
and buried all I was
And He kissed my face
and told me I was His
and I knew I found
my HOME."
That word. Home. The word Daniel started saying just days before he died.
Daniel is Home. And Jesus was so gracious to this mommy to share how well he cared for and is caring for our son. I do not have to worry about Daniel anymore. I just miss him.
I am currently doing a bible study on the book of Revelation. And after teaching on Rev 1:17, which reads, "When I saw Him (Jesus) I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed his right hand on me saying, 'Do not be afraid..." Chuck Swindoll said:
"There is just no one like Jesus. There is a contrast between this magnificent presence and this tender touch that I love about Christ. He is deserving of our highest praise and greatest respect and yet in our deepest need He touches us and understands. And when we see Him for who He is, it is like the nursery rhyme and we all fall down."
There is just no one like Jesus.
He is a good King. And He is taking good care of my boy. He is taking good care of me.
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