This Face

I am writing this blogpost at the baseball field where Drew's team is playing tonight.  The last time we were here was about one year ago.  That night one of the sweet mom's took these photos of Daniel.  Oh how I miss his big grin!

Here he is looking at me saying something like, "Look, the lady who takes photos of Drew and the team is taking MY photo!"  He was excited about it and posed for her!

This is the "imaginary bat on his shoulder pose".

In this last one he is looking at me again...starting to say his "Heyyyyy".  Love it.  And I love those big brown eyes so very much.

I missed you at the games today Daniel.  You would have needed lots of ice.  LOTS!  It was hot.  

Thank you Delaine for these beautiful photos.  I love them.  And I treasure them.  

Watermelons

Tonight I bought a Watermelon when I was at Costco.

We knock on watermelon's to find the "best" one.  I learned this from our friend Toby.  Daniel thought this was hilarious and so tonight as I knocked on a few watermelons to find the best one, tears silently fell from my eyes.  As they fell I was also smiling inside thinking of dozens of times I had done this with Daniel and how the knocking always produced a belly laugh.  Strangers shopping at the same time would often smile or laugh along with us.  It always amazes me how I can feel genuinely sad and happy at the exact same time. 

Daniel was with me always.  I miss him everywhere.  I see him everywhere.  I think this is why I might actually have a million memories.  If not, it's close.

I miss you Daniel. 

Daniel's Visitation, Burial & Celebration of Life

On Mother's Day our dear photographer and friend sent us the photos she had taken from Daniel's visitation, burial and celebration of life.  I have looked through the 100's of photos many times since having received them.  I have also listened to the song "In Jesus Name" over and over since Daniel's passing.  These past weeks as I have been out running and listening to this song, I started visualizing the photos Amanda took for us to this song.  This video is the result of that.



It is in the name of Jesus, in the person of Jesus that I find my hope.  Because of my faith in Him, I have blessed assurance that I will one day see my sweet Daniel again.  I long for that day, but I also know that by the grace given through faith in Jesus I will be able to wait on the Lord for that reunion.



I love you sweet Daniel.  I miss you and I love you and I praise God that you are with Him!!



"I am the resurrection and the life...he who believes in Me will never die."  -Jesus

Written by Lizzy💙

Daniel was Lizzy's brother and she loved playing with him. They would give tons of hugs and kisses to each other. Lizzy loved him and he loved her. 

Lizzy loved playing all these things with him:
Baseball, count your chickens, hoot owl hoot, volleyball, blocks, trains, memory, and so many more things.

So Lizzy and Daniel were a very close brother and sister. 💙

Of course Daniel was naughty sometimes,doing all these things:
Pulling hair, pinching, punching, hitting, slapping, and so many more things.  Daniel would give me this very naughty look when I would tell him he had to go in a time out and I thought that it was cute.😊

I will tell you about Daniel's favorite foods:
He liked pesto, bananas, ketchup, pasta, and so many more.

Daniel had a best friend named Taylor and they loved each other so much. Daniel said this so many times a day he said, "Taylor likes blue, ( like him ) she's pretty and beautiful!"
Of course he had his own unique way of saying it.

Daniel loved saying potty talk.😝he would say it all day and he wouldn't be scared of time out! 

When Daniel was near anyone he made them full of joy.  Daniel really was a joyful little boy.  He filled me with joy! I love love love this sweet little boy.  I love you forever little buddy!!😢

"Mama!!"

Today I sat in Daniel's room and sorted and looked through all of our photos from his Make-A-Wish trip.  Tears silently wet my face as I looked at 100's of sweet photos. I think we have about 700 to be exact.  And I am thankful for every.single.one.

As I was looking through them, this photo caught my eye:

 It caught my eye because of how Daniel was looking at me.  Whenever I would watch Daniel's "Lava" video or "Make-A-Wish" video with him, he would exclaim "MAMA!"  every time it got to this photo:

He would literally yell "MAMA!!" and point at the screen with his awesome, huge grin.  And I would say, "Yes!  Mama was there with you."

Here is the photo again that I saw today:

And then the next one:

Now I know Daniel was trying to tell me something exciting or some memory he had from meeting these characters, as there was not one time I watched those picture videos that he did not yell out "Mama!!" when it came to that photo.   And after seeing the other photo today, I sure wish I knew what he wanted to tell me.  Before going on his Make-A-Wish trip he had asked Brent and I to take him back to kiss Minnie Mouse.  Maybe he was just trying to tell me he was so excited she was holding him!!  And he might have been saying something like "Mama!!  Do you see?  Minnie is holding me!! I haven't just kissed her once, but like 10 times!  This is so cool."  Maybe one day he will tell me.

You see the photo at 4:17 in this video, and I can hear him saying "mama!!" very emphatic and excited each time.



Although this is from an older video (February 2015)...this is the "mama" I miss hearing so much.

I realize this memory might not mean as much to the outsider looking in.  But I just do not want to forget.  I feel like seeing his face today in that other photo made some dots connect for me.  I always wondered why he would say my name.  Now I know there was a reason to wonder.  I miss you buddy.

BIG

This photo is on our fridge.  It was taken in March of 2015 when Daniel came along with me to pick up my race packet for the Dallas Rock N' Roll 1/2 marathon.

Brent and I tried and tried to get Daniel to raise his hands by saying things like "Daniel how big are you?!?" and "How big is Daniel?".  It wasn't until I said "Daniel praise Jesus!" that I got his hands to go up in the air.

He loved Jesus BIG.

I miss Daniel BIG.

Ugh.

Oh the missing.  Sweet, sweet boy.

Thank God for the BIG memories we have.

I love you dear Daniel.  So Big.  The other thing that could make Daniel raise his arms like that was if I asked him, "Daniel, how much do I love you?".  Yes buddy, my love for you is "so BIG"!

"Ball"

This was our first baseball weekend without Daniel.  Sammy rejoined his team 2 weeks ago for practices, but this weekend was his first official tournament back playing with his team.

Oh my word did I miss Daniel's presence.  The packing, entertaining, extra cheering, countless hours of playing Stack the States or President vs. Aliens on his iPad, dozens of cups of ice, french fries, more ice, water, lollipops...lots of lollipops...I missed it all, BIG.

It was so easy today.

Daniel always made buddies with the umpires, because he liked to call strikes and the way he said it was loud and emphatic.  Well, his brother pitches so of course he liked to call strikes!  I missed the conversations through the fence with the umpires.

I missed hearing him say "Ba" (Sam) followed by "homerun" as he would come up to bat.

I missed chasing him around the ballfields and sidewalks and grass between games.

I missed everything about him being there.

Oh that smile.  That precious, precious smile.

Today we went to the ballfields early and stayed late. We were there for about 10.5 hours to be exact. Sammy's team made it all the way to the championship and we got to watch Sam pitch for the win.  They did win 11-1.  Last year, when Sammy's team would win one of these tourneys they always took the team photo behind home plate.  Once they had just the team, sometimes the boys would say "Daniel, Daniel" and he would run in and join them.  He loved being a part of the championship photos.

He just loved baseball.

Tonight I missed him being a part of that too.  But I am so thankful for baseball teams and boys who embraced our little buddy and loved on him in this special way.  It touched my heart then.  And it especially touches it now.

We miss you Daniel.  But I am thankful for the hundreds of games you went to and cheered your brothers on.  These are good memories.  Good, good memories.