Dearest Daniel,
Today you would turn 10! How is it possible that my "baby" would be double digits?!?
I miss you so. I try to imagine what heaven is like for you. Having your birthday with the King of Kings is most amazing I am sure. I am so happy for you, but it is so hard to wait. Your absence is loud. I hate not watching you open your presents...what is a birthday without presents?? So today I decided that for the rest of my life, I am going to buy presents for your brothers and sisters and daddy that I think you would give to them and have them outside your door for them to open on your birthday. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I am excited to keep my eyes open throughout this next year for what will be the best gift from you to them. You were so much cooler than me though, so forgive me if my choices aren't exactly what you would pick.
I'm sorry that I cry so much. You always hated that. You always tried to make me laugh when I was sad. The tears are a spilling over of the love I have for you. I know you are happy, healthy and better than ever...but missing you is real and I will until I join you in heaven. The tears are a result of getting to be your mom. I miss that terribly. I miss YOU! We all do. I am thankful for the little rainbows I have already seen today. One day...no more tears.
In a little while we will go to the Rainforest Cafe. I wish Drew could be with us too. He texted me just after midnight "happy birthday daniel" with two blue hearts and confetti. Sometimes I do not feel like going there without you. Today is one of those days, but the girls are excited about it and it has become our tradition...so my feelings do not get to decide! We will have our "french fry with ketchup toast" and talk about our favorite memories. Thank you for leaving us with so much. Your life was so short, but your days were so FULL. Thank you for teaching us how to be joyful in the midst of great pain and hardship. Like the necklace my dear friend gave me (I wear it with your thumbprint every day!) reads "Your joy lives on!"...and it surely does.
I do wonder what you would be like today. What would your favorites be? Oh Daniel.
Daniel.
I celebrate you today. Thank you for making me better. I am so thankful to have been your mom. Happy 10th birthday in heaven. I miss you every day and love you BIG. Give Jesus a hug for me!
Mommy
Psalm 34
"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make it's boast in the LORD; The humble shall hear and rejoice.
O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD and and he answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him and rescues them.
O taste and see that the LORD is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
O fear the LORD, you His saints; For to those who fear Him there is no want.
The young lions do not lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.
Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry.
The face of the LORD is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry, and the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of all.
He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken.
Evil shall slay the wicked and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned."
My Daniel Psalm.
